Jumping

The past few weeks have been humbling. My days have been spent searching for jobs in a town that seemingly has none. I’ve often felt purposeless through it all and had to actively calm my emotions to keep from climbing the walls or having a breakdown.

Last week my frustration led to a lunch with someone I greatly admire. I explained the situation to him, saying that I knew God was in control and that I was not stressed out per se, but deeply confused. A move to Michigan is the next step and, at the current trajectory, not too far into the future. It has been difficult to find resolve about being cutoff from the friends and community I have come to love, not out of opportunity, but out of failure. It would not be an end-of-the-world scenario, I told him, but one I had difficulty reconciling with a God who is working for what is best for me. How could I be forced into such a disappointing option, I wondered. How could leaving those I love so much possibly be better for me?

My friend likened my plight to the experience of novice sky divers. The first couple of jumps, he said, assurance of the chute’s safety is all that matters. The jumper wants the rip cord to be pulled immediately so he can relax and enjoy the trip down. Over time the diver begins to trust in the safety of the chute, knowing that when it is time to pull the cord it will be there to support his weight and provide a gentle landing on the earth below. The diver begins to enjoy the free fall more than anything and develop disdain for the rip cord that insures his safety.

My friend knows it is my goal to coach college football. I have been actively pursuing those positions at the same time I struggle to find work locally. He noted that staffs in the college game are regularly fired and that, if this was the direction my life would take, I would no doubt face similar circumstances in the future. He believes what I am experiencing currently is likely one of my first jumps as the figurative sky diver. He wondered what part of my situation is keeping me from throwing my hands up to enjoy the free fall down, if I believe in a God who is working for what is best for me.

I liked my friend’s analogy a great deal. He often talks about how we must put ourselves in a position to see God work; to allow him to perform miraculous acts if we are to truly experience Him. I definitely feel that I am in one of those situations and need to have this experience to respond positively when I see a firing looming on the horizon. Historically, I have chosen to try to control the outcome. Now that I am not I often wonder if God is sure He knows what He’s doing.

Although not my desired option, moving to Michigan is a possibility that I can live with. I can survive the fall through trust in a God working actively for my benefit. I can be diligent in searching for a position, but in the end I must trust. Believing doesn’t help the frustration and boredom of the day-to-day search that much. I still have difficulty knowing my qualities, experiences, and education are not being utilized (much) to counsel or empathize. Those interactions energize me, but have been few and far between. I will try take comfort in my chute, though, and the gentleness with which my feet will soon touch the earth.

Explore posts in the same categories: God, coaching, love, stress

Tags: stress, trust

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