Where Have You Been…

Rocco DeLuca & The Burden? Perhaps the better question is, “Where have I been?”

I happened upon the latest K-Swiss commercials over the holidays. I didn’t pay enough attention to the music probably because, uhh, Anna K. was distracting me. Luckily, my brothers and I had a music exchange as part of our holiday giving and my younger brother Damon burned a couple RDB tracks.

If you are a fan of Mayer, Ryan Adams, Led Zeppelin, The White Stripes, etc. check out their album on iTunes. I recommend “Colorful,” “Swing Low,” “How Fast,” and “Soul.” Outstanding.

Plus, Jack Bauer owns the label and will institute waterboarding in the event of noncompliance.

Here’s a bonus Anna K. K-Swiss commercial featuring “Gravitate.”

P.S Happy 25th today, Damon!

Strength to Love

Sometimes no matter how much you think you’re growing, perspective is simply hard to come by.

I spent the second half of last year working a job that was stressful to say the least. People get stressed out by different things–long hours, deadlines, pressures, colleagues, or some combination thereof. For me, the most stress comes from knowing people don’t like me.

The job I took was sort of a band-aid. It was in a field where I have some expertise and I had been looking for open positions for about a month. It opened, the people seemed nice, and I got on board. Financially stability had left the building. When hired we agreed that I would stay only until the end of the year when an intern would be coming on full-time.

I want to be fair here. Given that this position wasn’t my long-term goal my attention wandered at times. I wasn’t working full-time so I figured I would come to work, do my thing, and go home. I was grateful for the opportunity to earn some money and I made that known. I knew that this wasn’t where I wanted to be and didn’t perform as if my life depended on it. Punctuality, graciousness, optimism and so on were my way of saying you-are-doing-me-a-favor-here and I wanted to do my best, at least in a social context, to make that known.

A colleague quickly communicated that our group had a lot of turnover. I couldn’t see why immediately, but it didn’t take terribly long. For a couple of months each day concluded with me stopping by the boss’ office to ensure her satisfaction with different engagements. If she needed something I stayed, if she didn’t, I went home. Though no dissatisfied messages went unaddressed, I was eventually called into her office only to receive an earful about my level of performance. I was dumbfounded, to say the least, stumbling to quell her anger and say anything that relayed how sorry I was about her feelings. (I had no idea, after all.)

My boss began dodging me physically and, when the stars aligned in such a way that being in one another’s presence was unavoidable, ignoring me if at all possible. After her talk, I was never again called on the phone to be given vital, job-related information, but rather e-mailed–sometimes when I was spending consecutive days at a client without the ability to access the internet.

Her dissatisfaction was one thing. People become dissatisfied at times and, to be fair, there are equally difficult bosses who are habitual nit-pickers. My disappointment was in the fact I had made it my goal to ensure that she was satisfied. I made myself available daily solely to create a platform for her to communicate her thoughts. I engaged her with openness so that she felt comfortable being frank. And she was my boss, ya know? Say whatever you want, please.

(Sidenote: There was a time where I dated a girl for months only to have her unleash a torrent of misgivings about my conduct. This didn’t feel terribly unlike that. And honestly, what happened in that relationship probably has something to do with why I tried to give my boss all the platform she needed to say what was in her heart.)

The final couple of months of employment were unnerving. Once I’ve done the whole “please say what you feel, no really” thing and it doesn’t work out, I’m not sure where to go next. I simply cannot operate normally under a cloud of disdain for who I am. It hurts my soul.

There were times of course where I pondered operating from a new “well, eff you then” attitude, but God quashed those ideas quickly and mercifully. I continued to treat her with all the respect and kindness I could muster, but there was simply nothing that was going to get me out from underneath all of it until the day I left.

So why is all this important?

Well, those feelings still linger. I like reconciliation. We’re supposed to be reconciled to others (Matthew 5:22-26). My imagination runs wild with my former boss talking to people about what a piece of crap I am. The same goes for others that I have known that didn’t like me, even from several years ago.

The real question I’m asking in my head is: “Why won’t you love me? What do I need to do?”

***

I was on a run/walk today and God sort of hit me over the head with this. There is sin in my life that needs work. But, in my opinion, it is my refusal to accept God’s love that has God sitting there saying “Hey Aaron, why won’t you love Me?”

God offers something to me that pales in comparison to what I tried to offer my boss or have tried to offer anyone else. He has the unfortunate (although He would probably say fortunate) role of sitting there and watching me consistently choose other options despite the overwhelming love and gift of His Son that I did nothing to deserve.

I really think I’m going to remember this lesson when I have these experiences in the future. Instead of worrying about someone’s negative feelings toward me, I’m going to think about how I demonstrate the same to God. If I can remember the endless patience God has for me, I don’t need to focus on others’ disdain toward me. I can also try to focus on doing the same (albeit feebly) for others here on Earth. Putting my heart there has vaporized a lot of the residual hurt.

Thanks for the perspective, God. I needed it.

Presidential Political Thoughts Vol. 1 - post Iowa Caucuses

1) Romney is done. Losing convincingly in Iowa opens the door for a strong showing for McCain in New Hampshire. Romney will not run well in South Carolina between Huckabee, Thompson, and McCain. That means he’d have to do very well in Michigan because when Florida comes around, Guiliani will be a force. My friend Jim notes Romney “has greasy hair.”

2) Huckabee’s win benefits Guiliani. The longer Huckabee is viable (which isn’t that long) a sizable lead cannot be built by McCain or Romney.

3) Hillary is in moderate to serious trouble. She came in third and gave a plodding speech, while Obama was quite charismatic.

4) I am happy for our country that Obama has succeeded the way he has. It is inspiring. He’s a great guy, but still not electable at this juncture.

5) While Obama’s speech was notable, future ones need a serious injection of concrete ideas. You are no longer a darkhorse/Cinderella/underdog. You are a viable, endearing candidate. Say something.

6) Thompson did fine tonight, but his campaign still doesn’t have legs. I wish it did. He’s the odd man out in a five-man race.

Current nomination predictions: Clinton, McCain

Remember the Alamo (or not)

Something tells me that when the Valero Alamo Bowl was scheduled, its braintrust didn’t think the game would be competing against a threeway simulcast featuring a team attempting to go 16-0 for the first time in NFL history. Maybe we can flip over to watch Penn State vs. Texas A & M during the commercials and do Valero–whatever it is–a favor.

Christianity, Also not Moral Perfection

I’m a little disheartened by the publicity Christian athletes are getting for stumbling or accusations of stumbling. The media knows that a Christian athlete’s mistakes are an easy opportunity to point out the supposed hypocrisy between belief and action. (More perplexing, however, is the media latching onto a story where it was portrayed that a Christian athlete was getting satisfaction in another’s mistakes, only to have the media take the “how dare you” stance. Whatevs.) The public can use these stories to ease feelings of iniquity and settle into the comfort of moral relativity.

As Christians we need to continue to strive to communicate that our beliefs are not about morality or earning our way into heaven. We need to communicate that being a Christian means we know we are sinners, that we will sin, but that me are made right with the Father through the sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ. We need to communicate that any good works we do are borne out of thankfulness and are a function of the Holy Spirit in us. We need to continue to help others understand that we serve a God who loves each of us individually and completely, takes pleasure in us, and desires to have a relationship. We serve a God who created the world and everything in it for our enjoyment.

When I think of a person who does something nice for me without expectation it’s difficult not to get on board with them. When I think of a being who created everything in this world just for me to enjoy, I am overwhelmed.

Consonant Reign

“What name should we call when your order is ready?”

“Aaron.”

“Eric?”

“No, Aaron.”

“Darren, ok.”

“No, AARON, with an ‘A.’”

“Oh, ok.”

I endure the above experience regularly. Any time I go to a new restaurant or coffee shop I expect it. I’m used to it.

“CHAI LATTE FOR AARON.”

“Thank you.”

“Have a good day.”

“You too.”

One hour later, sitting in my office, I notice the etching on my paper cup. “Erin”

Sigh.

***

My younger brother Damon signs his e-mails, simply: “-D”

Others I know, do the same: C, J, T, K, M, and so on.

Me: “-A”

Yeah, that doesn’t work.

Yes, call me “A.”

I’m sure that’s what Alexander The Great went by.

***

I love my name. It was not given to me for slick interactions with baristas or for chic e-mail nicknames.

Alls I’m saying is, my kids’ names are going to start with a consonant.

The Shack

Please read through the BWC review of The Shack. (The page is messed up, so scroll to the right.)

Some interesting information about the author is posted here.

I’m almost finished reading it (its a short page-turner) and my thoughts are reflected in what these two have already written. It is also the first piece of religious fiction I’ve ever read.

Knowing and Being Known

Over the long weekend, I stumbled upon a site called PostSecret. Frank Warren is the man behind it.

To summarize the site’s content, people send in their secrets anonymously on artsy postcards, which Warren scans and displays. The site is so popular that several books have been made using replicas of the cards. I was so taken with the few posted only from this past week that I picked up the latest PostSecret book this evening and proceeded to zoom through it.

I have never felt such a mix of emotions in my life. I’ve felt stronger emotions, but not the mix of amazement, sadness, encouragement, and so on. Nothing has ever convinced me more that people have so much to say and are so afraid to say it. And there are plenty of good reasons, to be sure. It is simply discouraging to me that we are so broken as people that for most our best outlet is anonymous postcard submissions. At least it is something. Plenty of the people (based on the texts) are genuinely giddy to get the weight off their chest.

The whole concept has me contemplating God a little. God knows us already, better than we know ourselves. Nothing escapes Him or is hidden from Him. Anonymously submitting our darkest secrets to the world is the manifestation of crying out to be known and yet be accepted and loved no matter how terrible we are or have been. God knows, accepts, and still loves, but we often forget.

For a couple days I just want to reflect on the fact that God knows me and what I have done and that He loves me anyway. In fact, He freely offers the opportunity for me to know Him more and I usually just let it pass. How hurtful that must be. I hope that someday another human knows all my secrets and offers the same.

Ugh, Laundry

My least favorite chore is washing my clothes. Well, not so much the washing, but the folding and the hanging and the paring of random dress socks. Lately I’ve been throwing clean dress socks in a pile on a shelf and pulling them out every morning, hoping for a pair that matches. It’s about a 50/50 proposition - mostly black and blue ones w/ random browns mixed in.

Anyway, this got me wondering how many times all of you will wear an article before declaring it dirty. I propose the following:

Underwear - dirty the moment it is secured to the body.

Socks - dirty after one hour of wear, ok for wear later that day if necessary.

T-shirts - one-half day (four hours, say).

Polos - just over one-half day. Safe for later in the same day if not too wrinkled.

Long-sleeve dress shirt - one half day, but really dirty only because it now needs ironing.*

Jeans - One to four wears depending on setting (One = wearing to a smoky bar, Four = several partial days wear).

Khaki shorts - Wear until they smell or are stained or you can’t remember the last time you washed them.

Khakis - see long sleeve dress shirt, barring a Downy Wrinkle Release miracle.

Sweats/Adidas pants - clean until you happen to remember to throw them in w/ a random load.

Hooded Sweatshirt - with a clean undershirt, two weeks of inconsistent wear without wash is acceptable.

*Ironing that is not going to happen.

Not a big fan of Wisconsin…